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I Don’t Want to be Normal


What is normal?  Looking at a few dictionary definitions I think it means conforming to a standard, being average, or regular. I think normal is what you want as result of a medical test, not something you aspire to be.  Is normal a range?  Are having a wife, kids, friends, and a job normal?  Is staying out of trouble considered normal?  I asked about ten people I know if they thought of themselves as normal.  All but one said yes.  The other said they were above normal.

Is there something wrong with not wanting to be normal?

Yeah, I am goofy.  I am a muppet of a man.  I am a Marine.  I am a Veteran.  I am anything but normal.  I have a wife, a son, 2 dogs, a good job, few close friends but many friends.  My job is anything but normal.  I am currently doing the work that was being done by four people previously.  I deal with Incident Management and employee communications on a daily basis.  I can’t be normal and succeed in my job.  I have to adapt with change and I have to be flexible.  I think I have to do that at home too.  My son changes daily.  Those of you with teenagers can empathize.  I know my wife is way above normal to have put up with me all these years.

I don’t like the phrases ‘I can’t’ or ‘I don’t know how’.  As Yoda says ‘Do or do not, there is no try!’  Why even bother doing something if you are not going to give it your all.  I have known many people in my life who do things ‘half ass’.  Boy, nothing pisses me off more than someone not giving 100%.  You want to be average?  Do you want to be normal?  I don’t.

This is about what I think of me.  What others think of me does not define who I am.  This is about believing I can do great things.  Heck, this is about believing I am doing great things.  I believe that love can be freely shared among friends.  I don’t want to hide my feelings for someone because it is not politically correct.  I have faith in my fellow humans.  I assume the best in people until they prove to me otherwise and then I still think there is good to be had.  For you Once Upon A Time Folks: I don’t think that once you have some darkness in your heart that it cannot be changed to good.

I watched a 30 for 30 special last night on ESPN.  It was about the North Carolina State Wolfpack team that won the NCAA Men’s National Championship in basketball in 1983.  Jim Valvano was predominantly featured.  He is a hero of mine that I have never met.  He continues to inspire me to this day.  He taught people to ‘Don’t give up, don’t ever give up!’  He also told of three things we all should do every day: laugh, spend some time thinking, and have your emotions move you to tears.  The last one can be tears of joy or sadness.  I have already done all three while writing this blog.  But I am not normal.

Strive to be more than average.  Dream of things other cannot see.  Believe love and mercy still exist.  Show others how much you care for them.  Don’t let someone not know how you feel about them.  You may lose them without them ever knowing.  Make sure they understand what you mean.

I leave you with a quote from the Warren Brothers song ‘Change’: “Someday my luck is going to change; they’ll think I am brilliant instead of insane”.

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Cooking – Rum Pound Cake


Those who know me, know I have a passion for cooking.  So inspired by other bloggers and especially Diva of Delicious, I have decided to start posting some blogs regarding cooking.  I will post some recipes that are mine or inherited from others.  If this looks like some other recipe, it is not intentional.

So here is how I make my Rum Pound Cake.  I got this recipe form a friend at work in California.

The recipe

The recipe

The great thing about this rum cake recipe is that the alcohol part of the rum cooks out and leaves the great rum flavor.  The recipe calls for dark rum and we keep light rum in the house, so that is what I used.

Mmm Bacardi

Mmm Bacardi

This is a simple recipe. Dump a couple boxes of things into a mixer, add rum and other things every house should have and mix.

In the mixer

In the mixer

Then after mixing you dump the batter into a buttered and floured bundt pan.  Yeah I know, you don’t have to treat a stone pan, but I do it anyway.

In the Bundt pan

In the Bundt pan

Bake it in you preheated 350 degree oven.  This time it took me exactly 50 minutes.  It was one of the tastiest rum cakes I have ever made, so keep it on the short end.

After your cake is completely cooled, make the yummy rum butter glaze.

Rum butter glaze prep

Rum butter glaze prep

I have learned many times that you need to stir the mixture and watch you temperature for the 5 minute boil because it has a tendency to boil over if not monitored.  Then you bring your glaze to your cake after your cake has been significantly poked with a toothpick.  Pour it on.  Make sure you get all over the cake.

Josh pouring the glaze

Josh pouring the glaze

Do not remove the cake from the pan for a while.  Let that magical rum butter glaze work its way into your cake.  You patience will be rewarded.

The finished Rum Pound Cake

The finished Rum Pound Cake

When ready to serve, flip the cake out onto a plate then flip it back over.  The rum butter glaze has a tendency to sink to the bottom.  Then enjoy the cake.

Lyn enjoying the cake

Lyn enjoying the cake

Hope you enjoy this baking adventure.  I hope this inspires you to make this cake or something of your own.

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2013 Cardinals in Spring Training


Yeah I know, haven’t written a blog in a while.  Haven’t heard anybody complaining or telling me that it has been missed.  Things that make you go hmmmm.

Let’s see what has happened with our beloved St. Louis Cardinals this spring.  They got great new batting practice hats; they are going to wear red hats on the road during the season; they may not have a sure thing at shortstop.  Wait, you didn’t hear about that last thing?  Well you see, SS Rafael Furcal had this elbow thing bothering him last year.  GM John Mozeliak tried to get a few people in the winter to come to the Cardinals, and settled on Ronny Cedeno.  So SS options for the Cardinals could be Cedeno, Pete Kozma, and Ryan Jackson.  I don’t think Matt Carpenter has taken any grounders at SS so I would rule him out.

Cards new BP hats

Cards new BP hats

Oh yeah.  You did hear that Chris Carpenter probably won’t pitch all year, right? Oh and now Ace Adam Wainwright is going into his walk season without a contract.  Jaime (whiny) Garcia is complaining about being sore. Lance Lynn states matter of factly that he is a starter and not a relief pitcher.  Oh and even former Cardinal Kyle Lohse still remains unsigned.

First baseman Allen Craig may be getting closer to playing in the field.  Carlos Beltran, Yadier Molina, Fernando Salas, and Mitchell Boggs are out doing the World Baseball Classic. (Side Note)  Hurray to fellow Cardinal Blogger Kelsey Shea Weinrich for being selected to be the Team USA representative in the MLBFanCave.  You can find more about her and her blog here.  

There’s this guy in camp, this hot prospect that the Cardinals have, that is having a darn good spring. I knew he might be ready this year when they signed Beltran to the two year deal before last season.  Oscar Tavares might be ‘stuck’ in AAA Memphis getting at bats down there and only be called up if and when Beltran or Matt Holliday go on the disabled list.  Yet the Cardinals will have Shelby Miller, Trevor Rosenthal, Joe Kelly and who knows who continue to battle for the 5th starting pitcher spot hoping they don’t struggle.  I believe early thoughts have it as Shelby Miller’s spot to lose, but we shall see; more than one may make the rotation if others are hurt.

Oh back to Matt Carpenter. I am not sure he will be the starting 2B when the season starts.  There’s this other kid that I hope plays his way into a starting job there.  That would be Kolten Wong.  I think he has ‘Chuck Knoblauch” 2B stability written all over him.  Don’t write off Daniel Descalso either, but to me he is better suited with Carpenter on the bench.  I also don’t know how you leave Matt Adams off the team.

This is clearly Mike Matheny and John Mozeliak’s team now.  They are working on every aspect of the game in the spring.  Willie McGee, Ozzie Smith, Jim Edmonds, and others were brought into camp this spring to teach.  John Mabry replaces Mark McGwire as hitting coach and Yadier Molina’s older brother Bengie takes over the assistant hitting coach’s duties.  More people Matheny wanted to help make it his team.

I am excited for this team to start the season.  I am curious to see how this spring training will turn out and I hope you all are too!

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Stan Musial – The Man


Stanley Musial was born in Donora, Pennsylvania on November 21, 1920.  He lived 92 plus years on God’s green earth before he passed away quietly at home surrounded by family and friends on January 19, 2013.  He wife of 70 plus years Lillian passed away in May of 2012.  He was the only one of his siblings to graduate from high school.  He was never a great student but many considered him a friend.  He was the sole financial provider for his parents, wife, and children.  During the middle of his professional career he left to join the United States Navy at the age of 25.  He spent fourteen months in the service and afterwards returned to his career.

He was a hero to his family, friends, fellow servicemen, his teammates, his country, and yes, to his fans.  Stan was really ‘The Man’ in every sense of the word.  Men today strive to make their parents proud.  They strive to find a female companion they can spend their life with.  They strive to find a profession to make themselves happy while helping other people.  They strive to make a difference in this world.  Stan Musial did all this.

Stan was a self described Momma’s boy.  His Mother understood him.  She convinced his Father to let him skip college and sign a contract to play baseball.  It was the only thing a young Stan wanted to do.  Not surprising he was good at basketball back then too.  Stan was happy to escape the steel mills of Pennsylvania.  Not many years later Stan’s father Lukasz died from respiratory issues associated with an explosion in the mine.  Stan wished his Dad could have been around to enjoy and share in some of his successes, but he was probably watching down on him.

Stan was drafted as a pitcher.  He was a powerful young lefthander who could dominate games when needed.  In a 1939 midseason write up on him, Musial was described as a terrible pitcher but a real fine boy.  Imagine today someone writing up about a young man’s character.  Usually it’s more of a warning sign.  Right around this time Stan discovered he could hit.  So he worked at it.  By 1940 his pitching shoulder started bothering him.  In spring 1941 after being promoted to AAA to keep Stan in the organization, it was determined that his future was as a hitter and outfielder.  After a 450 foot shot in an intra-squad game, his coaches decided that for him.  Stan was called up to the St. Louis Cardinals in the pennant race of 1941 due to injuries.  Not by phone call, not by text, but by wire.  Lil told Stan the news.  Number 6 was chosen for him because it fit him the best.  Oh yeah it fit him. From 1941-1963 Stan was a St. Louis Cardinal.  He played 22 seasons with them.  Remember he missed 14 months to serve his country.

St. Louis was Major League Baseball’s southernmost city when Jackie Robinson integrated baseball during the 1947 season.  St. Louis might have been one of the hardest places for black players to come.  Musial, not being outspoken, chose to lead by example.  He was the most accepting of integration.  One great quote about Stan was that he never met a person he couldn’t get along with.

The Cardinals were not that great in the 1950’s but Stan Musial was still doing his best.  He played just as hard when his club was losing as when the Cardinals were winning World Championships.  Musial played in a then record 895 straight games.  Remember there were no great medical treatments back then. His ability to play thru pain should inspire every person today.  In the 1958 season, Stan collected his 3000th hit.  Fans greeted him at every stop of his train ride home with around 1,000 people being there when he reached St. Louis.

Stan’s #6 jersey was the first to be retired by the St. Louis Cardinals.  On September 29, 1963 Stan Musial retired from playing professional baseball.  Baseball commissioner Ford Frick delivered a line that would be on Stan’s statue outside Busch Stadium.  He said “Here stands baseball’s perfect warrior; here stands baseball’s perfect knight.”  Wow.  One of Stan’s most interesting baseball stats is that he had 1,815 hits at home and 1,815 on the road.  22 years and those hits were even.  Think about all the travel and stadiums he played in.  To this day, no player ever has more hits in one uniform.  Ever.  He was just excellent as being a baseball player and even better at being a human being.

It’s been almost 50 years since Stan Musial retired form the game of baseball.  He became a living monument for the city of St. Louis and his statue was dedicated in 1968.  In 1964, Stan was appointed by President Lyndon B. Johnson to be a special consultant to the Presidential Council on Physical Fitness.  In 1967 Stan was named General Manager of the St. Louis Cardinals.  He was a behind the scenes type of boss.  He helped with player relations.  Oh yeah, the Cardinals won the World Series that year.  I guess he knew what he was doing at that also.  He resigned the job after the season and was named senior vice president of the Cardinals.  In 1969, Stan was elected into The National Baseball Hall of Fame.  For some reason, 23 of the 340 writers did not cast a vote for Stan.  Many think that your peers are a great judge of a man.  If that is the case, Stan holds a record I could never see being broken. He was elected to 24 All-Star Games.  Stan’s Mother was there in the audience to hear his Hall of Fame induction speech.

Stan battled prostate cancer in the 1980’s.  He met and spent time with every President since John F. Kennedy.  Finally on February 15, 2011, Stan Musial received the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Barack Obama.  He was always considered a very generous man, giving things away such as baseballs to anyone who was around to 20 dollar bills to children.  I have heard many stories where Stan talked to people he didn’t know for long periods of time.  Somehow Stan would get his harmonica out and entertain people more than they ever thought they could be.  He made everyone think they were his best friend.

Many amazing things have happened since Stan Musial died.  The St. Louis Blues scored 6 goals the night his death was announced.  I had just gotten back form working Cardinals Care Winter Warm Up when the news was announced.  I wish I could have gone back the next day to share the things Stan taught all of us.  The funeral was held this past Saturday.  Stan was a devout Catholic.  Many dignitaries and 1,300 total were at his funeral mass.  A wreath was laid at his statue at Busch Stadium.  Over 1,000 people attended that event including many Cardinals employees.  He attended Catholic mass whenever he could and even sometimes daily.  People want to name bridges after Stan now.  They want the Cardinals to honor him in many different ways.  My idea would be a red 6 on their sleeves for the season and the 6th home game of the season, every player should wear the #6.  I would like to see that tradition continued for either 6 or 22 years.

Stan was a hero.  I have heard people ask why so much fuss is being made about a baseball player.  Stan Musial was more than a baseball player.  He was an American Dream maker. He was a military veteran.  He was a man of honor, integrity, faith and love.  He was a man’s man.  He would make you feel like the most important person in a room.  He spent his whole adult life being involved with one sports organization, his beloved St. Louis Cardinals.  Unbeknownst to him, he created what is now known as ‘The Cardinal Way’.  71 years married to the same woman is still amazing to me.

Stan Musial

Stan Musial

I was lucky enough to shake Stan’s hand a couple of times, once as a teenager and once at a Cardinals Care event.  He is more than just a baseball player.  He is a role model.  He is a hero to many.  People should want to be like Stan.  I never saw him play but he touched me, more as a human than as a baseball player.

He was baseball’s perfect knight.  He was baseball’s perfect warrior.  He is now heaven’s perfect angel.

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My St. Louis Blues 2013 Season Preview


Hockey is finally back!  I know I am excited!  The St. Louis Blues got me and others excited last year by having a 109 point performance and making the playoffs.  They spent the off season (which was way too long) locking up their talent and strengthening their team bond.  Forward David Perron got a 4 year deal and my personal favorite T.J. Oshie got a 5 year one.  Recently they even signed General Manager Doug Armstrong to his own 5 year deal.   Some call him the best GM in the league.  I will jump on that bandwagon when the Stanley Cup is hoisted at Scottrade.

With a compressed 48 games, and a lockout shortened season, I think the fact that the Blues have two outstanding goalies (Jaroslav Halak and Brian Elliott) makes them the team to beat in the Western Conference.  I don’t think you can find me a combo that was better last season.  Let’s hope that they will be on their games this year because there won’t be much time to figure things out.

Last year injuries hurt the Blues with concussions being the main cause.  This year if a player misses two weeks with an injury he will miss 7-10 games instead of maybe 4.  The healthiest, hottest team going into the playoffs will have the advantage.

I am excited about watching them play this season.  How will rookie phenom Vladimir Tarasenko perform at this level?  Can Jaden Schwartz hang in the NHL?  Who gets sent down to Peoria and how long will they stay there?  Will Collin White make the team and help out some of the best defenders in the league?  Can Perron play a whole season healthy?  When will the rest of the league realize what a force David Backes is and realize he is an outstanding Captain?  Can Vladimir Sobotka be ok with playing as a 3rd or 4th liner after doing so well scoring goals in Russia?

I know fans that are upset about hockey.  I am a fan of this team.  I was around when the Sutter brothers were around and I will be around when Keith Tkachuck’s kids get drafted by this team.

Blues Jerseys

Blues Jerseys

Long Live The Note!

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2012 in review


The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 3,700 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 6 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Crazy Thoughts


Most of you that know me know that I rarely watch the news.  My newscast is Sportscenter.  On the local newscast, I don’t like watching anything normally but weather and sports.  Bad news gets to us.  It’s not healthy to watch.

Let me start by saying:  Guns do not kill people!  The people who put the ammunition in them do!  We cannot protect ourselves from every scenario out there.  Trust in God and those you know and everything will work out for the best.  God has a plan, no matter how messed up it may look today.

I know the situation in Connecticut was a tragedy.  I am sorry for all those who were affected by it.  I will pray for their families.

According to www.childhelp.org five children die each day from abuse.

According to www.bread.org everyday 16,000 children die worldwide from hunger.

According to www.worldchildcancer.org approximately 100,000 children die each year from cancer.

Where’s the call to ban all the stuff that causes these things?  Do you take away all children from their parents just because five die each day from abuse?  Do we mandate lower portions at restaurants so there are fewer leftovers and in turn less food being thrown away?

It’s Merry Christmas!  Not Happy Holidays.  Jesus is the reason for the season!  So Merry Christmas to you and yours from me and my family.

If you are from St. Louis and you haven’t been to Pappy’s Smokehouse, there is something wrong with you.  Get down there and try them out.

And to lighten things up, Goofy is the only one of the Fab Five Disney Characters we can believe that has had sex.  He has a son named Max.  Also, prove to me that Mickey Mouse is not an orphan.

I write this knowing well that I may piss someone off.  I am the writer of this blog.  You can comment on this below if you like, but my guess most of you will just read this, roll their eyes, and move on.  Things affect people differently.  As the song goes ‘God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy!’

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My St. Louis Cardinals Burton History Tree Thoughts


On Saturday September 8th of this year, Burton History Trees (1) did a presentation at UCB weekend (2) to members of the United Cardinal Bloggers. (3) I was immediately intrigued by the possibility of having something out there that showed every St. Louis Cardinals player in history on it. They asked for our help in editing the tree and would note our names on the legend. Pretty cool, huh? I, among other bloggers, started looking at the tree and my son Josh found an error that needed to be corrected immediately. There was an overlay issue on the tree that was easy for us to see. He kept looking and found a few more overlay issues as well.

We decided to take a poster copy of the tree home and later I would spend a couple of hours going over the tree and finding errors. I made a list of 30 and send it off to the guys at Burton. I am happy to say that Burton’s Eric Fine said he thought my feedback was perhaps the best he received and they said they addressed all that they were able to. They used at least seven out of the 30 suggestions I gave them. I was not happy with a few of the ones they didn’t use but it is Burton’s tree, not mine. I would like to share what I would have done differently.

I would have pushed to get the Cardinals and MLB permission for this tree and then I would have been able to use logos and things to make the tree look official like the actual Cardinals logos and the MLB stamp of approval. Yeah, the project may have taken longer and I may have lost a bit of creativity but I would have gotten the tree on the Cardinals team store. That being said, I would have also made the flags on the tree fly from left to right. Burton did this on the Chicago Cubs tree and it looked good. They however did not like the look. Real championship banners do not fly right to left. There is still quite of bit of overlay with the banners on the tree. This cuts off some of the players names. Just think if that was your Grandpa’s name where letters were covered. That’s just something I wouldn’t want to do. I am also not a big fan of the filler words. Some are not appropriate for the era where they are and one is misspelled.

With all of this being said, I am proud that I was able to help Burton History Trees. I was honored when they sent me a few copies to keep as my own. Josh and I were both honored when our names on the legend chart shown as part of the partnership with the United Cardinal Bloggers. I also found it pretty cool when Josh and I saw the tree at a local sports collectible store.

This is Burton’s tree, not mine. But I am also proud that Burton has offered anyone that reads this blog a 10% discount on any order that is placed by 12/31/12 by using the code BBL. See the banner.

http://www.burtonhistorytrees.com/st-louis-cardinals

I am proud to hang my St. Louis Cardinals Burton History Tree in my house. I hope you will be also.

UPDATE!!!  Thru 12/31 it has now been changed to 25% off using the Code BBL!!!

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My Burton History Tree

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The Trees and People of New Jersey


On Friday November 9, 2012, me and some friends of mine took off for New Jersey to do some Superstorm Sandy relief work.  Murray Pickard, Mike and Brad Rohman, and myself headed out in Mike’s Honda Pilot with a trailer attached borrowed from his brother.  We loaded that trailer with chainsaws, wheel barrows, and other implements of destruction we thought we needed for the week we were scheduled to be there.  We found out we were going to be doing work with Montgomery Evangelical Free Church (1) in Belle Mead, New Jersey.  Murray attended there for a few months and even went on a mission’s trip with them, so this seemed like a perfect fit for us and just one of God’s Blessings.  We drove straight thru and arrived about 8 am Saturday morning and met with their Youth Pastor and our main contact for the week, Eric Couch, at his home.  Our goal was to serve members of the Montgomery church and their neighbors in the communities surrounding the church.

Road Block In Princtown Township

At our first area of work we were greeted by a road block.  The trees in the Princeton Township that came down during the storm hit power lines.  These residents have been without power for ten days or so.  At the first few houses we must have cut up 20 trees or so because there were so many behind these houses.  Princeton Township has a rule that you are not allowed cut trees down, but since these trees were leaning on others, they were considered already down, so a cutting we went.  We had a group of about 20 or so join us on Saturday from a couple of churches in Pennsylvania, so a lot of work was done that day.  We were treated to a lunch of some great local pizza.  That was best pizza we had while we were there.

We were also blessed to have some great accommodations for our stay in Jersey.  A church member let us stay in her condo that was her mother’s place before she passed last year.  Good showers, heat, and laundry were a joy to us.  Ask us more about other stories of the condo.

Sunday we went to church at Montgomery EFC and enjoyed presentations from missionaries.  Murray got to see a few people he remembered and they greeted us all warmly. We enjoyed a restful afternoon with Eric and a beautiful dinner at one of the Deaconess’ house.

One of the backyards in the Princeton Township

Monday sent us back to work on the endless trees in the PrincetonTownship area.  We were happy to see most of the residents with power at this time.  We stacked lots of wood in the back of the one house.  It was all hauled away by Wednesday and Mike went back later in the week to see the amazing difference.

That guy with the beard is Mike ‘The Band Guy’

A new Mike, the band guy from Chicago, joined us for a few days before he did some benefit shows in New  York.  Visit his band Fathom Blue’s website (2) if you can.  From Tuesday to lunch on Wednesday we worked on some yards that had minor tree damage.  We were able to make many homeowners happy with our cutting and removal of their fallen trees.

Panoramic View of the last house we worked at

On Wednesday afternoon, we arrived at the place where we would finish the week.  There were probably 8-10 50 foot pine trees that fell on top of each other in a row.  Our goal was to get them down.  I believe we accomplished that goal by the end of Friday.  One of our friends form Saturday (another Mike) joined us on Thursday with a buddy as Mike (band guy) was on to New York and Mike (Rohman) was taking TouchGlobal’s leader down to the Headquarters in Southern New Jersey.  On Friday Eric helped out with his daughter along with a member of the church youth who just happened to live next door to the house we were working on.  A bunch of youth was scheduled to come out Saturday and help clean up all the wood we cut down.

Our Friday Group with the Homeowner after we were done.

It was kind of an amazing week.  I already told you about our lodging provided to us.  Most of our food was also given.  I would like to thank Eric, Doug, and the Deaconesses of Montgomery EFC who provided a bountiful harvest during the week. We also made it to one of Princeton’s favorite food joints, Hoagie Haven, (3) one night.  It was fun to see what kind of food that can be stuffed in between two slices of bread.

We left after another hearty dinner Friday night and we arrived back to our families safely Saturday the 17th about mid afternoon.  There was a lot of good work done that week and friends were made.  I look forward to seeing those I met again.

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I Need a New Family?


Let me start off by saying that I am thankful to God for the broken road I have traveled and I would never trade my wife and son for anyone or anything.

People often wonder why they turn out the way they do.  I wonder it quite a bit.  Would things of been different if I was raised in a normal two parent home with a bunch of brothers and sisters and all the opportunities of those around me?  Oh yeah probably, but I wasn’t.

My parents were divorced when I was six.  I to this day think I was either a last ditch effort to save their marriage or part of the reason for their divorce.  I am 13 years younger than my brother and 16 years younger than my sister.  I remember my brother living with my Mother and I but never my sister.  My suspicions have never been answered, so I will live on never knowing.

Being raised by a single mother, we could only afford to rent houses in the Creve Couer, Missouri area.  By the time the 80’s rolled around, it was a wealthy area.  A kid who one new pair of shoes a year from Venture had no chance of being accepted into the Parkway North mentality of the 80’s.

My Grandparents did an outstanding job of doing the best they could for me.  My Grandpa was my role model.  I cry now as I remember how life was so much better with him and my Grandma around.  They took me in when I ran to their house escaping a night of my Mother’s drinking.  Dang you plain label beer!  I spent many of nights, summers and whatever with them.  My Grandma died taking care of my Grandpa who suffered from Dementia.  I still remember talking to her on the phone the night before she died.

I haven’t talked to my Dad since the age of 16.  I don’t remember when he stopped paying child support to my Mother and medical bills to my Grandparents.  The agreed to child support was $35 a week until I was 16 then it was $50.  It was supposed to stop the day I entered the Marine Corps.  I just know he owed thousands and thousands and has never paid.  My Dad remarried to a woman with some mental problems and I had a great step sister for a while.  They divorced after I thought they were happy and shortly after that he married his current wife.  My brother informed me last year that he has Parkinson’s.

My brother used drugs after he was in The Air Force.  He offered them to me many times in high school and I turned him down.  To this day, I have never used them.  He still does.  After we moved back to St. Louis, my brother was living next to my Mother with his wife.  On my mom’s 70th birthday, he announced that he was smoking marijuana, and he didn’t care who knew.  I informed him that would like to help him but I cannot have my son around him in case someone came asking him for money.  Last year as he was screaming at me he told me that his wife’s best friend was his dealer.  Haven’t spoken to him since.

My sister was in the Marine Corps in the 70’s and 80’s.  Her oldest daughter is from her first marriage and her other two children were from her second. I spent most of my holidays growing up with them.  My former brother-in-law is a good man, my son idolized him for a year or so while they were here in St. Louis.  We used to spend almost every Friday and Saturday evening with them driving to Hillsboro each trip.  My sister’s oldest daughter and her husband moved to Arizona with their two girls and they had another while living there before they were divorced.  I believe my niece wanted to move back to St. Louis but her ex-husbands family would not let her and the girls.  So my sister moved to Arizona not too long after that.  Years later, my Mother followed after dealing with her boyfriend for as long as she could.  I always say the women in my family stick together to a fault.

I am thankful that my sister is taking care of my Mother as she deals with her own Dementia.  Today, my sister texted me to let me know she is put her in a nursing home.  I found out on Facebook recently that my sister and her husband of 33 years were divorcing.

I have one aunt and uncle locally.  There is no sense of connection there.  I see one of my second cousins at church on an irregular basis.  I have lots of distant cousins that I am regular contact with, but nothing like a close family.

My wife is an only child, her parents are living in Colorado.  We see them twice a year.  The first two days together are great but then we get on each other’s nerves.  I believe this is because we don’t see them enough.  But then again we are living together for the time we spend together.

This is my life.  I have been blessed with the gift of hospitality so I used it on friends.  Do I need a new family?  Probably not.  But do understand that you may not know the whole story of someone’s life unless you ask.